Illustration Friday visitors.. Welcome !.. feel free to scroll down to the illo at the bottom..
all you other troopers.. thank you for your encouraging and comforting presence alongside me on my creative journey.. I congratulate you if you make it to the end of this long post.. just read it with your 'open mind'.. it may get a bit 'out there' for some.. hehe
I finally figured out.. that the only way to know what I 'really wanted to paint'.. or would feel 'fulfilled' by painting.. was to truly get down and have a 'close encounter' with myself.. or to visit the 'temple of Helen'.
While contemplating this 'quest'.. I pondered that I was seeking a conversation with my spirit, my soul, the 'essence of Helen'. My intention was to receive' .. to receive information, to receive inspiration.. so I mused.. if I want to receive.. perhaps i should clear the 'old' to make room for the 'new'.. also .. if I want to receive' .. perhaps I should also 'give'.. I felt that this was a holistic exercise.. this is not just about 'what should I paint?.. this had now become a detailed look at my whole life ..what is out of balance?
So this last week has been a whirlwind.. first up.. tidy studio.. no painting.. just sort and prepare.. ( welcoming in my new special visitor.. laden with gifts) hehe
then I decided to start a new fresh beautiful journal.. which I would write down my thoughts in every day.. no matter what I felt ..in preparation for my 'gifts' to arrive.. my authentic voice and guidance.
Then I hauled out everything in my closet. dumped it all out on the bed ( and floor).. removing all things.. that no longer 'feel like me.. the me I am now.. the me I am becoming'... this was getting exciting.. my authentic self is coming 'out of the closet'.. ( even the closet needs to be authentically honest lol!) Everything was removed from my bedroom and around the house that no longer 'seemed to fit'... pared down to 'basically what delights or inspires'..... me.
Next on the list.. was a new pair of gorgeous jeans that 'fit just right'.. and pretty ,blonde highlights.. fresh for spring.. ooh .. the goddess in me was starting to awake from her slumber!!
Then we tackled my diet .. crappy winter junk had snuck in and taken over.. I started making fresh juices from carrots, apples and parsley.. yum.. started eating lots of fresh salads, fruits and vegetables.. lots of water.. stretching and yoga.. you get the picture..
Well the energy levels are rising.. I am feeling and looking good.. getting very excited about life .. feeling a lot of possibility and potential in the air.
I started spending more time outside watching the birds busy preparing their nests and viewing the beautiful spring blossoms shooting out everywhere here in the hill country. Inspiration is starting to bubble up and over. The birds excite me . I could watch them for hours.. in fact .. they delight me.! I have always felt a real spiritual connection with birds.. I have had many 'magical, uncanny experiences with them throughout my life.
So to the diary.. we started out with some grumbling.. confusion and despair.. .....and ended up with peace, direction,clarification and excitement!!
At the beginning of this week.. I thought it would be good to get drunk with friends.. it was good .. it shut up the damn ' what kind of an artist are you anyway' voices.. I felt free ,I laughed , I asked a very good friend .. in his opinion what did he think I should paint? ( not usually a good idea) .. he never hesitated .. looked me straight in the eye and said .. "your birds.. take me to another place".
Hmmm.. the next day I was browsing other successful artists work online ( a masochistic artist moment!)..one artist in particular struck me .. I thought disgruntled.. " Oh well it's easy for her to be successful . all she has to do all day is paint gorgeous birds!! "
You'd think I would start putting this all together at this point people .. but nope!! Still stuck within the veils of denial.. hehe..
The next day.. I passed our garage.. there was a little dove sitting inside on the window sill.. I paused .. drank it in.. and raced off to answer the phone.. the two garage doors are open , so I knew it could fly out easily.
Two hours later I go to get something from the car.. there is the dove sitting there .. I slowly walked up to it.. talking quietly.. thinking I would help to direct it to the open door.. it sat there bobbing it's head at me.. ever so slowly I reached out my hands .. and picked it up. I held that little bird in my hands .. and knew in that instant.. it was a messenger.. from my higher self... of peace.. paint peace..paint messages from your heart to others.. paint what this moment feels like... paint what delights you and fills you up like you will burst...
Oh .. such a tender special moment .. with the little dove sitting so quietly,looking up at me trustingly with it's bright, shiny eyes.. soft, warm, quivering feathers, a priceless gift of insight.. from myself.. and this precious little messenger. I thanked it for taking part 'in the play' of my life, released it over near the door and it flew up to the top of an old oak tree where it's mate was waiting.. delightful serendipity.
So straight off to write in the diary.. a torrent of inspiration flowing out onto the paper. I could hardly write fast enough.. so many ideas .. thoughts.. birds .. messages.. different media etc.. Yay!!!!
So some of you will be scratching your head going ... ummm... "this chick is bonkers.. she already paints some birds ... and her blog AND online store is called THE WILLOWS NEST .. hehe ,,!!!!!! I know isn't it great .. sweet layers of self doubt and confusion .. they can mask anything!
So here it is ..this may all change .. but as of right now.. I paint birds .. beautiful, uplifting, magical birds.. some with a message.. some capturing a moment.. a feeling.. but all are a direct expression of me.. so I say phooey!!! to the crappy self doubting voices.. ... I paint birds.. my higher self/inner goddess/spirit/intuition/soul told me so!.
Yes I have painted some birds before .. and then ladies and then a rhino .. and then flowers .. and then a raccoon.. and then.. hehe.. there is always a nature element.. but I would get so distracted by what others are doing.. and never think my own ideas would be quite good enough.. if it was so great why wasn't someone else doing it"???? ( oh blessed self sabotage)..
So to anyone who is still with me at the bottom of this post.. I so appreciate you.. here is the first gift from within .. for me to place upon my wall .. to remember to express what delights me .. and fills me up.
The simple life recipe on 'How to Rescue Myself.. when all seems lost and veiled in confusion..
Just.................... Choose Bliss..
Sending out lots of Love and bliss to you people... from a lucky woman who 'just gets to paint pretty birds all day'... Helen xoxo